Since my last post was a little educational, this post will be a little fun at my expense. Sad, depraved, are you serious, this cannot be true and boy is my life strange shit. I broke up with my girlfriend a little over a year ago and yes I got played but she had so much potential and I had made a list of things that I wanted in a woman and she had them all. I forgot to add to the list cannot be separated or married when I meet her and cannot have posed naked in a magazine or internet. At least not all in the same woman.
I broke the rule "You cannot turn a supermodel into a wife". Some women are so physically beautiful in this world that they become truly insane. It's why Elizabeth Taylor had so much drama. In her day she was stunning, she was also a poster child for BitchesBeCrazzy. I saw the signs and I let my ego blind me to the truth.
On to the backstory, we lived together for 6 years during this time I helped her start a fashion company, we contemplated having kids, and she never got a divorce. In our 4th year her company had basically failed and she loved the company more then me. This was also the beginning of the end. The company gave her an identity and slight celebrity status. Actually I gave her the identity as I changed the spelling of her name and created the brand. Later this lunatic tried to convince me that it's her real name even though I have seen her birth certificate, passport, and booked dozens of flights for us.
Late in 2009, one of her fashion friends invites her to go to a private John Legend concert in NYC and I didn't know about it, nor was I invited. Guys, here is a another rule. Girls nights that involve overnights are huge red flags that you have a problem. That night she starts a fight for no reason. I'm smart and simply ignore the nonsense and wait until the next day. She then pulls a doozy and steals $2000 out of my wallet and heads to NYC. That's right, my six year gf has just committed a felony on a man that she lives with, finanically supports her, and more importantly supported her fashionista dreams.
This is basically a line in the sand that has been crossed, she's has to go. That day I hire movers and move all the stuff out into a storage unit while she is in NYC. I didn't call, I didn't text. In an ironic twist of events the movers leave a single purple leopard notebook in the middle of the room. It's her journal and diary and I've never see it or knew she had one. This journal was something out of the movie Seven. It was not written in chronological order or with sentences and it runs on from page to page. Despite the hieroglyphics, the contents were remarkable, she wanted to substitute me out for the Founder of Tom's Shoes who she recently met and fucked the Outback Steakhouse CEO for $100,000 a couple of times the year before the breakup @ $50,000k per pop. When I say BitchesBeCrazzy, I mean crazy. I realize I've hit the jackpot here, and that I bang expensive pussy. I guess since she took me for at least $500,000 I got it at the discount rate of a few hundred dollars per pop. I feel much better now. She would classify us as investors.
You know when Grandparents say "When life gives you lemonade", I say "To get over a cheating girl, bang a hot younger girl". Women hate that. I immediately rebound with this crazy lingerie model named Brittany. She's 24, 5'4", 100 lbs and her hair color seems to change every week.
A few weeks go by and my brother moves in with me and he's the kind of guy that doesn't get a lot of women but loves to go to bikini bars and strip clubs. He takes me to this bikini bar he is talking about all the time. I've actually never been to a bikini bar but I like this one. The girls are very attractive, they serve beer, and have sports on TV. I can hang out here. Ironically, Brittany worked there as one point. Even funnier she got us kicked out for trying to show my buddies wife her cleavage. The girls that work wear only their underwear and we get kicked out for another girl now in a bra. The Hypocrisy of Democracy. I continue to go over the next couple of weeks and somehow one thing leads to another and I hook up with first of two of girls from there. We will call her 'Katy'.
My brother is out of town and I'm heading out of town so I ask Katy if she would come by and feed my dogs. It's actually part of the reason we went out, I forgot the exact reasoning, but girls in their underwear seem to like dog walking. I fly to the East Coast and meet up with my brother at a crabfest in Maryland. He asks what about the dogs and I tell him about Katy. He asks how much did I pay her? I told him nothing, I paid her in dick. I have a funny Maryland story here, but it doesn't fit in the narrative so add a new rule. "Try and remember a girls name at the end of the drunken night of partying if you want to get laid"
My brother returns to CA and I head to NYC. I met this cute 21 year old on the plane and had her show me the city from her perspective. I do love NYC moments and traveling in general. While I'm in NYC my ex texts me and we start communicating.
On my return back to CA, I now found my brother is dating the girl that I left naked to watch the dogs. This violates one of my rules. "If one of my friends or brother shows any interest in a woman, I never go after her." However, that's a rare trait to find in men and obviously not genetic and slightly twisted from my point. But, in truth I really don't care and it's good to know that he's not gay. Sadly, he spends the next couple of months trying to make her into a girlfriend before she dumps him. He wouldn't listen about BitchesBeCrazzy.
My brothers obviously psycho attempted girfriend did throw me under the bus with the other girl from the Bikini Bar because when I took her out I did the exact same thing with the other one to see if they would talk about me and compare stories. I guess Teppanyaki, dog walking, jacuzzi, and sex from two girls that work together is only funny to me. She also throws me under the bus because the ex-gf is coming around again. Not smart I know.
During my brother's courtship of my dogwalker, my ex sneaks back in my life for a moment because she missed the dogs. Being who I am, I understand when it's time for hate breakup sex. I'm talking the kind of sex which ruins the soul. Guys another rule. "You cannot go back to any ex, if you do it's only for sex and not the kind of sex that is healthy." Which I do for a few weeks before kicking her out on Xmas Eve. So in a matter of 6 weeks I go from having a 6 year relationship to having a crazy lingerie model Brittany in the morning, my ex in the evening, and a girl that I banged staying in my house with my brother who rats me out to the one girl that I actually like the most, her co-worker.
On New Years Eve I trade Brittany for another girl and didn't talk or see her again until this Tuesday. That'll segue nicely into Part 2 later which will be titled "Brittney's be Crazy".
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